Thursday, 29 November 2012

Licence to tweet

The name's Gray, Eliza Gray. The mission, to push the social media envelope. Tonight the challenge is a Tweetathon to the farthest reaches of the Twittersphere, boldly tweeting throughout the Shoreditch House Literary Salon.

While the audience listens, rapt, to their literary/musical heroines, Jojo Moyes, Naomi Alderman and Cerys Matthews, I spend the evening in a parallel universe, tapping away into my iPhone, oblivious to what's being read or said. But no matter! I am a woman of our time! And when I scroll through my oeuvre at the end of the evening, I discover that our great Salonniere, Damian Barr, has favourited no less than six of my tweets and replied to one! Yay. Recognition!

I also discover that one of my tweets ended up at the #lastchancesaloon instead of the #litsalon, another, inexplicably, at #whattowear, and one hopped over to the Leveson inquiry. A few are still orbiting the Twittersphere.

Here are those tweets in full, to be read from bottom to top.

Still here at Shoreditch House - the thing is, how do you get out of this place? 
Well it's all over and I have completed my tweetathon! Really am marvellous  

The thing is, could I pass for under 30? My erotic bestseller cd win the Dylan Thomas prize of 30 grand! 
We're singing along. It really is marvellous this  lark. Who knew we'd be clapping and a-singin?
Ooh banjo too.  wants to join in  says no. This is getting marvellously exciting 
Singing pretty Rabbie Burns song to tune of 'are you going to San Francisco' 
Cerys says you can hide behind music but wd be terrifying to put words together and call it poetry 
Ooh she's picked up her guitar 
Missed the pizza btw. Starving 
Sylvia's good on throwing snowballs 
Oh it's the dinner gong 
Naomi Alderman on cymbally gongy thing, quivering with anticipation
Audience taking place of Cerys's musicians. Marvellous. 
Ooh audience participation. Quick. hide. Gosh, lots of raised hands. Sylvia's in there 
I really think they could look into chasing the electric cables into the wall
Ooh she's reading a thing about Laugharne for   we love Laugharne
'A nod to a future event which if you don't mind Naomi is Christmas' gets a big laugh. 
Cerys is reading from Dylan. Hope she does Oh mr tambourine man
Stripes r us - at least 6 people wearing stripy matelot tops in audience 
Oh the woman in the hat is Cerys Matthews! I can't see her without my glasses but she's adorable 
Must be pizza time soon 
Response from middle Britain to story ... Emails calling for her to be tried for blasphemy. Aw Bless dem christians 
Exhausting - iPhone in one hand, wine glass in the other, half an ear on proceedings ... :( 
Apparently the thing Jews find really weird is this guy whos totally like celibate could be king of the jews 
Sex sex sex tweet tweet 
Nobody interested in Jesus at the time apparently. 
Naomi cut the Judas and Jesus sex scene!!! Wise 
Pontiff. Ponying pontine oh bum!!! Pointers pontiff pontius Pilate invented term cloak and dagger
I must say people are listening very attentively. Ooh there's Dave Gilmour
This is marvellous - really getting the hang of it. Tweet tweet. Pilate has flared nostrils  
 looks nice in ankle boots and velvet jacket  oh! people of Jerusalem!
Argh! Horses scream in terror but death is always the same 
David king of the Jews!  prof Naomi alderman reading from her novel in the time of Jesus
Prof Naomi Alderman on a novel from the time of Jesus. 
Yay! Thank you so much  !!   gosh this is exhausting...
Hmmm. Ceiling needs replastering... 
Sylvia's hand is up but  says it's a q for afterwards. Something to do with  
 deleted 70000 wds of her book - on purpose! Oh God! Maybe need to cull some of erotic novel? 
More fascinating than what brings people together is what keeps them apart says   
Eh? Where did that go?
More fascinating than what keeps people together is what keeps them apart says
Well with this tweeting lark i missed virtually all of JoJo Moyes 's reading but here's lovely  
Am annoying everyone teething nonstop  
Marvellous! At shoreditch house  with the beautiful people 

Recovering after the Tweetathon with a
passion fruit and chilli martini ... mmmmm

Those passion fruit and chilli martinis in detail